Turkey Attack!
by Relm Wanderer
Summary: RSBI 2004 Thanksgiving Day Fic, silly and random story about Gourry and a problem with a turkey dinner.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Notes: A random and silly Thanksgiving fanfic I wrote for RSBI back in 2004. Yes I'm aware that for those American readers that this is early for you guys, thanksgiving is in November. But I'm Canadian and we do it in October so consider this something early get you in the mood for the turkey dinner to come next month. Even then this is a day early for Canada, but this was the only time I could post it. _

**Turkey Attack**

Part One

By Relm

Gourry sat at his chair in great anticipation of the great meal to come. He could smell it all the way from the kitchen. Many times had he been tempted to run into said kitchen and start eating from there. But he had already been kicked out of the kitchen and had been physically tied to his char.

After what seemed like hours of waiting the blessed meal arrived on the table. There was what you might expect for a large dinner. Lots of steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberries. But that wasn't what Gourry was interested in. His gaze fell solely on the large silver platter that was being so carefully brought to the table. You couldn't tell what was under the silver dome lid that covered the platter by Gourry knew what it was. The smell alone gave it away.

The platter was placed right in front of Gourry. Without any sort of hesitation Gourry lifted the lid to absorb the appearance and the smell of the perfectly cooked turkey in front of him. With fork and knife in hand Gourry was ready to carve the beast.

"Don't eat me!" A small high pitched voice pleaded.

Gourry looked around with confusion. "Who said that?" He asked aloud.

"Me!" The turkey cried out.

Gourry looked down not believing his ears. "You're talking?" He poked the supposedly dead fowl with his knife.

"OWW! That hurts!" The turkey protested.

"How are you talking? You're cooked!" Gourry exclaimed.

"Don't eat me!" The turkey just pleaded again in response.

Gourry scratched his head in thought. "But I'm hungry. I have to eat you."

"Please don't!"

"I have to." Gourry went to cut the turkey.

The turkey jumped from its' plate of vegetables and kicked the knife from Gourry's hand leaking stuffing while doing so.

"Huh? Hey you can't do that!" Gourry protested and went to poke the turkey with his fork.

The turkey retaliated and kicked the fork out of Gourry's grasp as well.

"Now you see here I'm going to eat you whether you like it or not." Gourry went to grab the turkey with his hands.

The turkey kicked him and smacked him in the face.

"Hey stop that!" Gourry frowned.

But the turkey didn't stop, it just kept smacking and kicking Gourry.

And somewhere along the line a black belt magically appeared around the turkey's body.

Gourry tried to defend himself but the turkey was too much for him.

"Die!" The turkey yelled grabbing spoons and hitting Gourry on the head.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Gourry cried out in pain. His vision blurred and he passed out.

...

Gourry woke later all groggy. He was in a dark place and he couldn't move. "Where am I?" Gourry tried to free himself. He heard muffled sounds all around him. He tried to look around to see what was around him but all he saw was a metal wall around him. It was then that he noticed what he was laying on. It was a bed of gigantic sized roasted vegetables. Instead of being worried about this Gourry craned his neck to get a mouthful of a nearby roasted potato.

The lid covering Gourry came off showing Gourry just where he was. He was the main course on a very large table. And the people sitting at the table were turkeys, extremely large turkeys.

"Mmmm... Looks good." One of the turkeys commented as he went to carve Gourry.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Gourry screamed.

...

Gourry woke up screaming in his bed with sweat dripping from his face. 'Wow what a nightmare! I guess I shouldn't have ate that midnight snack.' He got out of bed and got himself ready for the day. Him, Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis were in a little town called Baerna. A harvest festival was going on and of course Lina wasn't about go until the festival was over.

'What time is it' Gourry wondered out loud. He looked outside his window and noticed that it was dark outside. "Huh? It's night time? Did I sleep in or wake up early?"

Gourry went downstairs and noticed there was a lot of people in the restaurant area of the inn.

"Gourry where the hell have you been?" Lina demanded from the table she was sitting at with Zelgadis and Amelia.

"What time is it?" Gourry asked while joining them.

"Seven o'clock. What have you been doing? Sleeping the whole time?"

Gourry smiled sheepishly. "Yeah I was."

Lina, Zelgadis and Amelia sweatdropped.

"What's going on?"

"The finale to the festival, a large elaborate dinner." Amelia explained.

"Oooh boy! I'm hungry!" Gourry rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Here you go." One waitress said as and many other waitresses and waiters set their table with the dinner.

Gourry took a deep breath inhaling all the wonderful aromas. The main centerpiece of the table was the item under the silver dome on the platter. He pulled the lid off revealing the perfectly yummy turkey underneath.

"Yummy yummy!" Gourry was about to cut the turkey when it moved.

"Please don't eat me!" The turkey cried out in a small voice.

"AHHHHHH!" Gourry ran away screaming.

Lina and company frowned. "Why the hell did he do that for?"

"I think the main question should be how is a cooked turkey talking and moving?" Zelgadis commented frowning.

Lina just deftly pointed up.

Xellos grinned from mid air with thin wires tided on his fingers that were also attached to parts of the turkey.

"Ewww! Mister Xellos don't play with our food!" Amelia cried out.

"Shouldn't we go get Gourry to come back?"

"Heck no! More for us!" Lina said greedily attacking the turkey.

_Author's Notes: I can't remember exactly what possessed me to write this story. But then what sort of Slayers fanfic could you write about thanksgiving that didn't involve turkey? ^_~ _

_HAPPY (CANADIAN) THANKSGIVING!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thanksgiving fanfic sequel I wrote for RSBI back in 2005. _

**Turkey Attack**

Part Two

By Relm

It had been a year since Gourry's last turkey 'incident'. For that whole year Gourry had avoided the large poultry staple. Though turkey wasn't an every day dinner item, it was one that was often cooked for special dinners. And when you're traveling around with Lina Inverse and her group big special dinners were something you ended up eating often. Every time a big cooked turkey was placed in front of Gourry he freaked out and started screaming. It had been a big annoyance for Lina, as she was fond of turkey. Because of Gourry none of them could even go near the stuff; even live turkeys.

Lina had taken it upon herself to get Gourry over his 'fear' of turkeys. It took a lot of work from Zelgadis and Lina but they managed to get Gourry to stay in the same room as a turkey without freaking out. But they still couldn't get him to eat one. And because he refused to eat turkey Amelia wouldn't let anyone else eat it either. According to Amelia it was unfair to eat turkey in front of Gourry when he couldn't eat it. So what did Lina do? She dragged Gourry and everyone else back to Baerna. She was going to rid Gourry of his fear even if it killed her!

Gourry awoke groggily from his last night's sleep. They had gotten into Baerna late the previous night. Zelgadis had wanted to camp out in the woods instead of continuing on towards Baerna since it had been getting so late already. But Lina wanted to get to Baerna for the harvest festival and she wasn't going to miss it. Which meant that everyone ended up sleeping in very late.

Gourry stretched as he got up. He was going to get up and change his clothing when he noticed something very wrong. He wasn't in the inn room that he fell asleep in. He was sitting on the ground near a pile of hay in a small wooden structure. And he wasn't wearing any clothes. But he was covered in feathers.

"What's going on?" Gourry tried to say but instead it came out as squawks. He flapped his wings in frustration. It was then that he noticed that his arms were no longer arms, but a pair of brown feathered wings.

"So are we going to get the bird now?" A voice spoke from outside.

"Yeah time to slaughter the thing and cook it for the festival." Another voice answered the first one.

"Turkey is always so yummy at this time of the year." A third voice joined in.

Gourry started to sweat. He didn't know that they were talking about him, but back in his head he was sure they were there to eat him. "SQUAWK!" Gourry ran to hide behind the hay pile.

"Hey Sam, I think the bird knows we're here." One of the guys laughed.

"Yeah Ralph I think you're right. Doesn't help it any though. It's going to be dinner no matter what. You got that knife ready Bob?"

"Yeah Sam I got it right here, nice and sharp."

Gourry's eyes got wide. There was only one exit and it was right outside where the three men were. But he knew he couldn't stay in the coop, they knew he was in there. With little options Gourry made a beeline for the exit of the coop and started running like the wind. Or as fast that a big oversized turkey could run.

"Grab him Ralph! Don't let him get away!" Sam yelled at Ralph as the two of them chased Gourry around. Bob was running behind them with the knife in his hands.

Gourry looked around frantically for a place to run to and hide. Even though he could run faster then the farmers, he still wasn't fast enough to lose them.

"I've got him cornered Sam!" Ralph called out.

"Okay, help me hold him down! Bob get that knife ready."

"SWQUAK!" Gourry screeched as the knife went flying at him.

...

"!" Gourry screamed waking up. "It was a dream!" He sighed with relief. Even so he still checked his body for feathers.

...

_The next day's dinner..._

"Everything smells so good!" Amelia giggled with a big grin on her face. Big elaborate banquet sized meals always made her think of home.

"Yeah I want to eat now!" Lina whined. She was hungry, very hungry. And she was planning on shoving turkey down Gourry's throat whether he liked it or not. She was going to make him eat turkey again. She wasn't going to be denied anymore.

"I'm hungry." Gourry also complained. He had completely forgotten about his dream by this point and was looking forward to eating. He could smell the turkey all the way from the kitchen and it was making his mouth water.

"Lina are you sure this is a good idea?" Zelgadis asked sceptically.

"As long as Amelia makes sure to stick to our agreement." Lina glared at Amelia.

"I promise Miss Lina. If it can help Mister Gourry with his phobia then I will go along with it this one time." Amelia answered as the waiters and waitresses brought the dome-covered dishes to the very long table that many were sitting at.

A big sized dome covered platter was placed right in front of Gourry and he could smell it. It was a wonderful smell that permeated the room. Gourry could hardly wait to dig until.

"Okay everyone let the unveiling begin!" The head chief announced as all the waiting staff pulled the covers off the platters all at once.

Everyone in the room oohed and ahhed, except one person.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Gourry screamed and ran away from the table. The turkey that had been set down in front of him was sporting a funny looking mask. It looked like a goofy happy face mask with long blond hair.

"Who put that thing on that turkey?" The head chef demanded.

...

Outside the restaurant Xellos sat on the roof snickering at the constant shrieking of Gourry Gaberieve. "At this rate I'll turn him into a vegetarian."

_Author's Notes: I've gotten a strange craving for sweet potato turkey stew after re-reading this over... _

_HAPPY (AMERICAN) THANKSGIVING!_


End file.
